today i went to the bray fest with a couple of my friends... although we had to wait out for ay- chi to come for like two whole hours, it was still fun! i got a panda and a new watch at the arcade and got to go on two extreme rides.

the first ride we got to gave me a really powerful rush! it felt like dying [although i'm not particularly sure how that feels]! i think it was called 'top scan'. it turns and the seat turns as well. seriously, i think i had my eyes closed half the time! haha!

the next ride was kinda nothing compared to the first one. it was called 'freesbee' and like real life freesbees it goes around real fast while swaying. it made me kinda dizzy but i think that is half thanks to the fact that i haven't eaten anything yet except for a small piece of pastry. oh, well..

when i got home i really felt like puking and collapsing at the same time. my parents had to go somewhere while my siblings were supposed to go to a party so they had to leave me here alone. actually, they were really supposed to take me with them but since i cant even stand straight they decided to leave without me. whew! *sigh!*

even as i am typing this post i still feel like swaying. i think i'll turn some good music on and sleep for a while until thhey come back.

I'm really troubled by various things right now!

To start it off, I've been in a fight with my best friend for almost five months now! Although she's tried saying sorry to me, i still can't forgive her for some reason.. Uwaah! i don't want this! I wanna save our friendship but part of me is already too fed up! I know i've got my own faults too but the way things are right now, i dont even want to go home anymore! It's really sad how these things are happening to us.. I really thought we'd be able to make it through till the end. As days pass by, my doubt becomes bigger.. This really is quite troubling!

Then, to top that off, my ex is having his birthday next week! Although i was the one who broke up with him more than eight months ago im really still hung up on him. I mean, it's not like i broke it off because i didnt love him anymore... It was just too complicated.. He's near the equator and im up here near the pole. LDR sure is hard! *sigh!* Every single year since we got to be close friends, i've always greeted him on his birthdays... But this year is different because my standing is different too. Im no longer just a "friend", im also an"ex- girlfriend". I'd really like to greet him this year and call him on his cell but i think that might be too awkward! I mean, who wants his ex to call him on his birthday anyway, right? Wouldent that be too annoying? But then, when i think about how he never hated me for just breaking it off without telling him why.. I get lost! Normal people would hate me already, right? But he didnt! To top that off, he hasnt asked me to stopped calling him or to stop contacting me since then. Im really scared for him... He never once got mad at me before except that one time when i broke up with him over friendster. It was the first time he got mad at me but he still never said things that would ultimately hurt me. I hope he'll stop that already! PEople like are going to keep on abusing that kindness kureno!

*sigh!* I wish he'd just lash out on me... He does that with his friends! I mean, he confided in me once already when he fought with his parents.. I was really happy that time..  I wish he'd done that more.. I always depended on him so it felt real great when he depended me for a change.. Makes me wonder if i broke up with him because i didnt feel he needed me as much as i needed him.. It's kind of lonely, you know..

Uwaah! I feel like my teenage days are slipping by so fast! I've got no control over my life right now... I wish time would just stop or that I could go back in time to prevent these complications before they could happen. But, surprisingly, I don't want to change how I ended up way up here in the first place anymore. Although I got a really bad culture shock at first, it's ok now. I had a lot of good memories here too. I met some good friends and got into things I would never have been so into if I stayed in my hometown [speaking about manga]. I also would never have been able to distinguish who my real friends were and who were only there for the fun of it.

Goodness! I'm only sixteen! Why am I being like this?! I'm thinking way too much! It makes me really feel older and that is so NOT a good thing for me. *sigh* I'd better stop here.. My sister still needs to check out her friendster anyway.. Till next time!